


want all your midnights

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:41:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: Dean's right — he has been feeling guilty, he's been feeling a lot of things: lost and helpless and scared to death of losing Dean. But it's not just about that. Dean forgave him and took him back, when he didn't even think he deserved it. Dean gave him the best gift he could ever ask for. Dean's his family, just like Seth is Dean's. And being without him is almost unbearable. All it took was two weeks apart to know that this is all he really wants and has ever wanted.





	want all your midnights

**Author's Note:**

> For [prettyboyrollins](http://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboyrollins/pseuds/prettyboyrollins) because this was inspired by a conversation we had about Seth flying out to spend NYE with Dean.

It's late Saturday night when Seth shows up at Dean's doorstep in Vegas. Without a plan. Without warning. Completely unlike him. But who Seth _is_ has been slowly rewritten over the past year; he's still discovering exactly what he wants to be now. Who he will be going forward.

There's a moment of hesitation before he knocks where he wonders if he should just leave, head back to the airport, pretend this never happened. It feels a bit too much like lying to himself though, a habit he's worked hard to break. He's been missing Dean like a constant, dull ache in his chest since he hugged him goodbye and wished him his best before he flew to Birmingham almost two weeks ago. Everything's been _wrong_ and strange without him there, and Seth made a promise to himself a long time ago to never depend on anyone this much.

But here he is anyway.

He closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath before finally reaching up and tapping gently on the door three times.

He listens to footsteps padding across the floor and then, the door swings open, and he's — _there_.

He looks — _good_ , all things considered. A bit tired, like he hasn't been sleeping much. Seth knows all about that. His hair's messy, he clearly hasn't shaved in a while, he looks like he hasn't moved from the couch all day. But he seems fine otherwise, healthy apart from the brace on his right elbow. Somehow it's even worse that this happened when Dean was probably the happiest he'd been in a long time. When they both were happy and _together_ again.

He doesn't even look that surprised to see him. But that's Dean for you. He can roll with anything. Also, the fact that he smells like beer probably explains some of it.

"Hey, man," is all he says, words slightly slurred. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought you could use some company," Seth says, smiling just at the mere sight of him.

Dean seems to consider that for a moment, frowning, then just nods and gestures Seth inside.

"Want a beer?" he asks, voice rough.

"Yeah, sure."

*

Seth eventually nods off on the couch in front of a football game neither of them were really paying much attention to.

When he comes to, his head's lying on Dean's left shoulder, his body pressed up against Dean's side.

He shifts his head a little, to look up at Dean, confused, like he's forgotten where he is.

Dean just looks back at him, almost concerned, says, "Shit, did I wake you?"

Seth slowly, groggily shakes his head at him.

Everything's hazy, like he's seeing it through a thick fog, like he's still dreaming.

It could be the alcohol, the lack of sleep, the crazy few weeks they've both just had...any number of things. 

That's why he doesn't stop himself from tilting his chin upwards and gently pressing his lips to Dean's.

Dean goes utterly still for a fraction of a second before he relaxes into it, relaxes against Seth's body, parts his lips and makes a soft noise that stirs something deep in Seth's chest. Dean tries to draw him closer, tries to deepen the kiss, reaching out to rest his hand on the side of Seth's neck, and it's then when Seth realises that he's awake and what's happening and abruptly pulls away and breaks the kiss.

Dean just stares at him, looking surprised and almost — _disappointed_? He's probably imagining it.

It's gone a second later, when he says, a bit awkwardly, "We should, uh, we should probably get some sleep. Guest bedroom's all yours."

Seth just stumbles his way upstairs, carefully shuts the door behind him. He lets out a sigh as he drops onto the bed, flat on his back. He stares up at the ceiling for a long time, wondering if he's just fucked everything up all over again.

*

It's almost four when he figures trying to get any more sleep is futile and he quietly makes his way back down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

He almost jumps out of his skin when he realises that Dean's sitting there in the almost complete darkness, illuminated only by the faint glow coming from the open refrigerator.

"Jesus _Christ_ , you scared me, dude."

Dean just shrugs. "Haven't been sleeping much lately."

Seth pours a glass of water from the sink, mostly so he has something to do with his hands. He turns back to him, leaning against the counter, and nods.

"Yeah, I figured. Same thing happened to me. With my knee," he says, meeting his eyes significantly.

"It's pretty fucked-up," Dean continues, looking down at the countertop in front of him. "When you're on the road, you don't think about it, you know? It's just… _go_ all the time. On autopilot. And then something happens and you just… _stop_ and take a long, hard look around. And it's impossible to not think about _everything_."

Seth hums under his breath in acknowledgment.

He's not prepared for Dean flicking his eyes right up to Seth's, an almost accusatory look on his face.

"Why are you really here?" he asks evenly. "Is it 'cause you feel guilty?"

Seth feels really exposed suddenly. He folds his arms across his chest, standing up a little straighter.

"What? _No_ — I'm not —"

Dean raises a skeptical eyebrow at him. "You sure? Sure it's not about the dive? The belts? About Angle's dumbass kid?" he says, unable to hide the tinge of bitterness in his tone. "Because you know I don't care about any of that."

"I just — I wanted to see you," Seth says, voice shaky, but it's the truth. It has to be. 

"That's not a real answer," Dean says with a wry smile.

Seth lets out a sharp breath, feeling frustrated now. "I'm here because — _Because_ — You _know_ why I'm here," he says, mouth suddenly dry.

Dean shakes his head as he gets to his feet, and then turns to face Seth. "No, I still don't," he says, almost apologetic.

"Are you — are you gonna make me say it?" He feels a hot flush crawling up the back of his neck. He can't look at Dean now, his gaze falling to the tile floor.

"I don't know. Do I have to?" Dean says, standing right in front of him now.

Seth's taking shallow breaths, his eyes roaming over Dean's face, looking for a clue of what he's thinking, feeling, a sign that he did something wrong. 

Dean takes a step forward, then another, until his hips are pinning Seth's against the counter behind them.

He licks his lips, staring at Seth's, and Seth feels like his heart's going to beat right out of his chest. 

Everything's _so_ still and dark and quiet. All he can hear is the sound of Dean's breathing. All he can feel is the warmth and pressure of Dean's body against his. All he can smell is a mild hint of beer and the mint toothpaste on his breath and the sweet scent of fabric softener from his hoodie. Dean's his entire world just for this moment. He looks soft, feels soft, the way he never is around anyone else.

He slowly moves his mouth towards Seth's, coming as close as possible without touching — and then Seth closes the infinitesimal gap between them.

It feels like he can finally _breathe_ now — for the first time since Dean's injury, since before that, since they got back together and every time Dean touched him or smiled at him or looked at him would make his insides melt.

Dean's right — he has been feeling guilty, he's been feeling a lot of things: lost and helpless and scared to death of losing Dean. But it's not just about that. Dean forgave him and took him back, when he didn't even think he deserved it. Dean gave him the best gift he could ever ask for. Dean's his family, just like Seth is Dean's. And being without him is almost unbearable. All it took was two weeks apart to know that this is all he really wants and has ever wanted.

They kiss for a long time, in the dimly-lit kitchen, while everyone's asleep, on the last morning of the year. And all Seth can think about is how much he's looking forward to the next one, and the next one, with Dean.

*

They pass out for a couple hours, wrapped around each other in Dean's bed, and Seth wakes up to Dean planting hot kisses all over his neck.

He reaches down blindly, threading his fingers into Dean's soft hair and pulling him up to meet his mouth with his own.

"Hey," he says, finally blinking up at him when they part, a smile of pure contentment on his face. 

"Hey back," Dean says, kissing his cheek, then his jaw. It sounds like he means something else.

They just stay like that for a while, trading lazy kisses, lips sliding over lips, slow and easy, Seth's hands in Dean's hair, one of Dean's legs pressed between Seth's.

Just sleeping so close next to Dean's warm, solid body last night was a challenge, especially given how long he'd spent wanting and trying _not_ to want him like this. _Now_ is a whole different story: Dean's body lying on top of his, pressed flush against him practically _everywhere_ , completely overwhelmed by the feel and smell and taste of him. It gets worse when Dean puts his tongue in Seth's mouth, drawing a long moan from his throat.

Dean seems to enjoy that, laughing a little into the kiss. Seth uses the moment to slide his hands up under Dean's shirt, feeling as much smooth, warm skin as he can and pulling him even closer all the while. 

He kisses Dean back just as hard, daringly slipping one of his hands down between them to cup him through his pants.

"Do you want me to —" he mutters against Dean's lips.

Dean pulls away a bit too quickly to look him in the eyes. "You sure?" he asks, expression intent.

"Yeah," Seth says, nodding at him firmly.

Dean just leans down and kisses him again in response and Seth gently rolls them over so he's straddling Dean's legs.

It's a bit tricky with Dean's arm, but they make it work.

Seth leans down to trail a line of kisses down his stomach, before sliding his pants down his thighs. He sucks him off, sloppy but enthusiastic, Dean trembling beneath him until he comes with a cut-off moan and a series of curses. 

" _Fuck_ ," he breathes out one more time for emphasis when he's lying spent and boneless underneath him. Seth grins at him.

Dean draws him back up to him until they're lying side-by-side, kisses him open-mouthed and dirty, then slips his hand inside his sweatpants. Seth's already on the edge from the fervent kissing, the taste and feel of Dean — all it takes is a few strokes and he falls apart under his touch, Dean greedily swallowing up his moans with his own mouth.

They lie back on the bed after, trying to catch their breaths, Seth's head on Dean's chest.

"Sleeping's been hard for me too these days," Seth admits after a few minutes. 

Dean loosely tangles his fingers in Seth's hair.

"I missed you," he murmurs against Dean's skin.

Dean presses a kiss to his forehead.

*

They only get out of bed after midday. Seth makes them a late breakfast and then Dean wordlessly grabs his hand and leads him to the shower.

Seth helps him wash his hair, kisses the nape of his neck, water pouring down over both of them. It feels so far away from real life. Wrestling, being on the road — it's all he's ever wanted and it makes him happier than anything. But just for this one blissful moment, he kind of wishes he didn't have to leave in the morning.

"I wish I could stay," he tells Dean quietly, like a secret just for the two of them and not the outside world. 

Dean laughs under his breath. "If you stayed, I'd probably drive you fucking crazy in two days."

"Better than going crazy on your own," Seth points out, resting his chin on Dean's shoulder.

"I'll survive," Dean says seriously. "It's what I do."

Seth lets out a heavy sigh. "You'll come back to me soon, right?"

"Yeah," Dean tells him earnestly. "I promise."

"Good," Seth says, pressing a kiss to his upper arm. 

*

They spend the evening curled up on the couch together eating junk food and watching cheesy action movies. 

Dean falls asleep at some point and when he wakes up, he checks the time, and says, "Shit, it's nearly midnight."

"Yeah? I didn't even realise." He's been trying to not think about leaving Dean again way sooner than he wants to.

Dean yawns and stretches before settling back down against Seth's body.

"I wonder what fucked-up shit is gonna happen this year," he muses out loud.

"It's been a crazy year," Seth agrees. "For everyone. And for us too. Did you ever think we'd be here this time last year?"

Dean shakes his head. "No way in hell, man."

"I'm glad we are, though," Seth says, reaching for Dean's hand, lacing their fingers together in his lap. "No matter what crazy shit happens, _you_ — having you, having _this_ back, that's the most important thing. It's been the _best_ year." He means it, too, with everything he has.

"Damn, Rollins, you're gonna make me cry —"

"Shut up," he says, gently nudging Dean's shoulder with his own.

Dean just smiles at him and when he looks at the clock again, it's 12am, and Seth says, "Happy New Year," before leaning in and brushing their lips together.

*

Seth wakes up before six and tries to sneak out of bed and out of the house without disturbing Dean. 

It's an unsuccessful endeavour, though.

"Where're you goin'?" he says, messy head poking out from under the covers.

Seth suppresses a grin. "Have to catch my flight, remember?"

"Oh, right, _fuck_."

Seth lets himself laugh then.

"I'll call you when I land, okay?"

"Yeah, okay — Wait, is that my shirt?" Dean asks, staring at him with a puzzled expression.

"Oh," Seth says, trying to hide his blush. "Yeah, I just — I wanted something. To keep you close, you know."

Dean just looks at him, like he actually doesn't know what to say to that. It's a rare thing.

Instead, he gets up and pulls Seth close, into a one-armed hug that's probably the best one he's ever gotten in his life.

"I'll see you soon," Seth says against his ear, hands clutching at the soft material of Dean's t-shirt.

"Yeah, I'll see you," Dean replies, clinging to him tightly for just a few more seconds before letting him go.

Seth leans back in for one last kiss and then whispers, "I love you."

"Me too," Dean tells him softly, as Seth's hand slips out of his.

It's one of the hardest things he's ever done, leaving Dean, but knowing he's there, will always be there, that he'll be by his side again one day very soon — that's all the motivation he needs to get through whatever life wants to throw at him. Dean's his constant, his safety, his anchor, his _home_. He always has been and he always will be. Through all the new years to come.


End file.
